hey all,

so it's 11pm on a friday night and i'm (or moreso, i was) enlightening my mind with a bit of optics (such is life for an optometry student). guess i figured i had enough of the day and decided to do something therapeutic - blog entry-ing.

i had my psychology exam today and i suppose it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i heard from sources (who will remain unnamed for really no particular reason, i just wanted to use the phrase 'who will remain unnamed') that it would consist of ultra-mega-jaw-droppingly-difficult questions. i distinctly remember the source saying, "oh last semester they asked what this disease was called and had alternate spellings in their multiple choice answers!" there was really nothing of the sort in the exam and i guess they just wanted to 'PSYCH' me out (geddit?)

moving on from boring exam stories and horrid puns, a train of thought that has been plaguing my mind of recent is 'change'. no, not change as in the coins you find in your jean pockets after taking them out of the wash (i'm not hatin' on them either, i find them a very nice type of change) but change as in changing of oneself, or, more specifically, myself.

maybe doing psychology as a subject has spurred this sudden introspection, but i really do question whether i've changed in the past couple of years of my life. hey, maybe i've come a long way away from the narrow-minded, needy and very very insecure self i was in the past, but has my way of looking at things changed at all? i've always been a person who has lived by a clear set of morals - something i think is mainly due to the big T-man - but it's hard to tell whether or not i've really grown into myself as a person. i guess i'll sort this out by the end of this blog.

something a wise dude has always told me is that, in all the years that he's known me (he's known me since i was 12), i haven't changed one bit. sure, there were the awkward haircuts and the hormones and the growing up and the whatnot...but my personality, my outlook, seemingly, has never changed. i recall wanting so badly to break free and totally become a gangster dawg yippity yo, but even though i was exposed to all this shizznizz (heck, i pretty much live in the ghetto) i never really turned to it. why so? maybe it's the way i look? i never see any tall gangsters around... or maybe i've just been predisposed, since the beginning of my life, to be this way; shy by nature and heartbreakingly optimistic sometimes.

i've always wanted to change little nit bits of myself as a person. and not the girly, "ooo i want bigger boobs" sort of change (although they would be nice, they're also a nice type of change). i've always wanted to be more confident, funnier, easier to get along with...you know, come to self-actualisation at some point in life. it has been a desire of mine to come into a room and make friends with all the people with a story to tell and just...be fun.

i'm such an awkward person. and i'm so sleepy, i'll continue this soon perhaps?